I still sleep with a stuffed animal..

The weak cry about it, the strong blog about it.

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Choose Happiness

It’s 5:45 a.m. and I am awake writing. I’m not writing because it’s a convenient time or because I have anything brilliant to say. I’m writing because it makes me happy and from now on, no matter how much I have to step outside of my comfort zone, I’m choosing happy.

Convenience is a way of life for most of us. We choose fast food over home cooked meals, we drive to class instead of walking the 10 minute stroll on the sidewalk and more often than not, we choose unhealthy relationships over trying something new just for the sake of comfort. Convenience is what holds us back in the long run and tempts us to make unfortunate decisions in the present. Convenience is easy.

I have spent a lot of time inconveniencing myself over something that I found convenient. An old relationship, just like a greasy pizza, can be comfort food. You crave it, you give in to it and after the flavor is gone, you’re left with a nauseous, unsatisfied feeling in the pit of your stomach. Most things that are unhealthy do that, you know? It makes you happy for a moment but then you realize just how harmful it is for you. Empty calories and empty relationships are one in the same. If you keep falling into the desires of what’s easy and feeding off of it, you’ll regret it in the long run. You’ll be 30, overweight and have a husband who hates you. If you don’t stop making unhealthy choices now for the sake of convenience, you’re going to hate yourself someday, too.

It might not always be convenient to make a salad over grabbing take out, it might be easier to hop in your car for class instead of walking; and it might be more practical to you in your mind to stay with someone just because it’s all you’ve ever known. However, if you ever truly want to find happiness and be healthy, you have to make choices that aren’t always convenient or easy. You have to buck up and stay strong and drop the damn pizza from your hands and move on. The truth is, just because it’s comfortable to you doesn’t mean it is right for you. It’s going to be hard but whatever you do, choose happiness. Choose your own health and happiness over convenience because we all deserve to be happy, dammit. 

Filed under happy happiness convenience relationships health healthy

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Maybe We’ll Find Better Days

I know that I have anxiety issues. I know that a lot of what I worry about stems from the fact that I have a stupid, mental illness that I can’t control without medicine of which I refuse to take.

But I can’t help but think that other people feel the same way I do. I have a really hard time moving on with my life when I know other people can’t. I don’t know why I bear so much weight on my shoulders over things I can’t control but I do. I feel guilty for going to college because I lost a friend who never got the chance. I get sad when I go shopping because I know I have clothes at home and there are people out there with none. I tear up when I feel hateful towards work and don’t want to go and then remember that there are people out there without jobs— including my dad. 

I get on Twitter and my TL is filled with things that don’t matter at all. Like, how can people not be concerned about real things instead of Miley Cyrus? Why do I feel like I am the only one who sees that there are bigger, more important issues?

Today I am feeling extra emotional. One of my dearest friends since kindergarten is laying in a hospital bed with no answers as to what will be the outcome of all of this. I feel so guilty for being able to walk, to breathe, to even take a drink of something. I feel so bad because I take all of those things for granted everyday. At night when I pray, I tell God that I am thankful for all of those things but am I really? I don’t think so. I think I just go through the motions of life worrying about everything instead of just being thankful. I need to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way I do. Sometimes I feel so crazy. Like no one else in the world worries like I do. No one feels guilty like I do about things I don’t think I should be guilty over. 

I’m sorry that this is so depressing. I just needed to get it all off of my chest before I go crazy. I love you all and I hope that you know that I am always here for you. I will do anything I can to help. Please remember not to take anything for granted. Not one step, not one breath. I’ll be praying for you guys and I hope that you will continue to pray for my friends and family who are struggling right now. Thanks guys. You have no idea how blessed I feel to have friends like ya’ll who are there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. 

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Dear Freshmen

For the young pups who have decided to read this: Hi. I’m a senior at the University of the Cumberlands and I’m going to tell you a few things you should know before you go off to college.

I’ve been in your shoes. Caught somewhere between wanting to have your own house and wanting to suck on your pacifier one more time. It happens. You’re probably really excited to leave home but deep down you’re scared to death. That’s what growing up feels like. You’re ready but you’re not. We’ve all had that “15 going on 30” feeling. It’s strange and almost surreal once you realize that you’re not a kid anymore yet, you’re nowhere near being an adult. Talk about confusing. So, here are my best tips and a little advice to help you on your new journey.

  • Don’t follow your significant other to college. I’m not saying you’re not in love and I’m not saying it won’t work out. But if it’s meant to be, it will be regardless of where you go to school. True love will make it work. Take this time to find yourself and be free.
  • Don’t buy your books from the bookstore. It’s a huge rip off. Also, don’t purchase your books until after the first week of classes to make sure you will actually use it. Your professor might say it’s required but you’d be surprise how much it’s NOT required.
  • Take advantage of clubs, organizations, activities, etc. on campus. Those things are free and really help you to get involved. It might seem a little childish and almost intimidating but the more you participate in, the happier you will be.
  • It’s okay to be undecided on a major. In fact, I highly recommend it unless you have those parents who demand that you go pre-med and you have no other choice. And let’s face it, we all have those friends who’s parents are living vicariously through them. Take a semester to get in some gen eds and figure out what you like.
  • Take archery if it’s offered. You will laugh at yourself everyday.
  • The freshman 15 DOES exist. It’s really sad actually. And even if it doesn’t hit freshman year (mine didn’t) it eventually will. Just stay away from pizza.
  • Call your parents and grandparents as often as possible. This is hard for them and they miss you.
  • Don’t run home every weekend. You will never make friends or have the college experience and you’ll waste so much gas.
  • Buy a planner.
  • Use the planner.
  • Get a Netflix account. It will make you a happier person.
  • Buy shower shoes.
  • Realize that the bond you make with your college friends will go much further than any other friendships you’ve made along the way.
  • Stay away from Walmart. You’ll go in there to get deodorant and come out with dog food and a Christmas tree.
  • Use coupons.
  • Save your change to buy yourself something nice. Like a honey bun from the vending machine.
  • Read lots of books.
  • Stay updated on current events. Even though you may not feel very important in this big world, you’re an adult now and you need to know what’s going on around you.
  • Practice your writing skills. You might use math five times in your life but you can write your way out of the grave if you need to and know how to. Grammar matters if you want people to take you seriously.
  • Buy a backpack with a place to put your water bottle.
  • GET A RAIN JACKET AND UMBRELLA. There is nothing worse than soggy notebooks and wet jeans.
  • Walk across campus with headphones in when you’re feeling antisocial. Even if you aren’t listening to music, you can avoid people if they think you are.
  • Take an interviewing and public speaking class. You have no idea how much you will benefit from those classes.
  • If you find a professor you love, take all of their classes. You can only learn if you want to learn and sometimes a professor can make or break that for you.
  • DO NOT take a 8 a.m. class unless you have to.
  • Utilize nap time.
  • Buy an electric blanket and a fan. Living with someone else can be challenging if you have different preferences. But you can save an argument by compromising.
  • Lysol wipes are wonderful for cleaning.
  • Enjoy yourself.

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Generalizing.

We as women are crazy. As a woman, you’ll probably get mad at me for saying that. As a man, you’ll probably agree because you think you’re gender is perfect and females are the bane of the population. Think what you will.

We are crazy for a lot of reasons. For instance, we bleed out of our vagina for a week every month. We have to fix our hair everyday. We worry about real life problems instead of the NBA draft. We have to watch the Victoria’s Secret fashion show every year. And let’s not forget, we have to sit down to pee. Those things can drive anyone insane, I think. 

The point is, we always want what we can’t have. We want to get rid of that monthly visitor. We want to wake up and walk out of the door and look decent without trying. We want to watch ESPN all day and never worry about money or current events. We WANT to stand up and write our names on a wall with our pee. That’s the thing, we will never be satisfied. 

That’s why we always want the guys who don’t want us.

Picture it, your friend sets you up with a guy that you find unattractive. He weighs a little too much, he didn’t wear the right shoes, he’s saying all of the wrong things. You are not interested but maybe he’s not either. Here’s the thing. The second your friend tells you that he wasn’t interested in you, you’ll be instantly appalled. You’ll want to know why and you’ll want him to like you. That guy that wasn’t good enough for you yesterday is suddenly all you can think about. That’s how it works. You only want him because he doesn’t want you. Why is that? Why are we so crazy?

Why are we genetically wired to want what we can’t have? Why are we constantly putting ourselves into situations with men where we are setting ourselves up to get hurt? Why, oh why do we chase the bad guys and let the good ones go? Do we like the idea of getting pushed around? Do we want to get cheated on? Do we want to get knocked up and left? Do we enjoy getting cursed out? What is it? Is the idea of the chase so important to some of us that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves just to avoid getting bored? 

I’m frazzled by us gals. By my friends who let these things happen and by myself-because I definitely let it happen. We all need to get it together and make sure we raise a different generation of women who realize that running after someone your whole life is pointless. Running after someone just because you lost them is pointless. Running after someone just because they aren’t interested in you is pointless. You can run all you want but there will be no prize at the finish line, babes. 

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Gym thoughts.

As I wiped the sleep from my eyes and popped my retainers out this morning I realized two things, I was seriously going to the gym at 5 a.m. and I was undeniably happy. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had a tough few months but today, I’m seeing the sunshine behind these grey, Louisville skies. Perhaps I got more sleep than usual or my dream about Nirvana revamped my mood but nonetheless, I’m happy. With positive thoughts jolting through my body and a lot of sweat, I had an epiphany at the gym. You can’t make someone love you and if they don’t love you, you can’t hold it against them. That’s true for any feeling really. If someone does or does not feel something, you can’t blame them. We are all entitled to feelings. And therefore, you should never resent someone just because they do or do not feel the same way you do. We are all just trying to figure life out right now and you can’t expect it to make sense just yet. I think you should let go of any resentment or anger or hurt you have towards anyone today. Just try it. It will be so rewarding once you realize that forgiveness is the key to ultimate happiness. What are you waiting for? Say your sorry! Say hello! Say I forgive you! Say something positive! And maybe go to the gym… Because it made me really happy and I want you all to be happy too! :D