☮nature, vintage, hippie blog☮ following back similar
☮nature, vintage, hippie blog☮ following back similar
It’s 5:45 a.m. and I am awake writing. I’m not writing because it’s a convenient time or because I have anything brilliant to say. I’m writing because it makes me happy and from now on, no matter how much I have to step outside of my comfort zone, I’m choosing happy.
Convenience is a way of life for most of us. We choose fast food over home cooked meals, we drive to class instead of walking the 10 minute stroll on the sidewalk and more often than not, we choose unhealthy relationships over trying something new just for the sake of comfort. Convenience is what holds us back in the long run and tempts us to make unfortunate decisions in the present. Convenience is easy.
I have spent a lot of time inconveniencing myself over something that I found convenient. An old relationship, just like a greasy pizza, can be comfort food. You crave it, you give in to it and after the flavor is gone, you’re left with a nauseous, unsatisfied feeling in the pit of your stomach. Most things that are unhealthy do that, you know? It makes you happy for a moment but then you realize just how harmful it is for you. Empty calories and empty relationships are one in the same. If you keep falling into the desires of what’s easy and feeding off of it, you’ll regret it in the long run. You’ll be 30, overweight and have a husband who hates you. If you don’t stop making unhealthy choices now for the sake of convenience, you’re going to hate yourself someday, too.
It might not always be convenient to make a salad over grabbing take out, it might be easier to hop in your car for class instead of walking; and it might be more practical to you in your mind to stay with someone just because it’s all you’ve ever known. However, if you ever truly want to find happiness and be healthy, you have to make choices that aren’t always convenient or easy. You have to buck up and stay strong and drop the damn pizza from your hands and move on. The truth is, just because it’s comfortable to you doesn’t mean it is right for you. It’s going to be hard but whatever you do, choose happiness. Choose your own health and happiness over convenience because we all deserve to be happy, dammit.
I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. The more I sit between the two, I realize that one of those sides has to win. Otherwise, I’m still stuck. The saying is so cliche but I think the way it feels is unique to everyone. I for instance am so confused about my life that I am considering having a melt down for a while. Dropping out of college, laying in my bed and eating leftovers sounds a lot easier than applying to graduate school and figuring out my future. Unfortunately, you have to have money to be insane. Poor people like myself can’t afford to not function. Maybe I should have played “Operation” more and read the dictionary less as a child. Then, I could be going to medical school instead of freaking out about how I’m going to turn my words into money. The point is, I can lay on my parents couch forever or I can go to school for what seems like forever. Either way, neither of them sound too satisfying to me right now. Naturally, I’m not a planner. I don’t care what happens tomorrow and I for sure never think about my future. I guess everyone asking me what I’m doing after graduation has really got me stressed. Thank you, Thanksgiving for the annoying questions from family members and randoms. The truth is, I have no idea and I guess I’m a little ashamed and little petrified. I’m 22 and about to be finished with undergrad and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. That’s scary.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge people who settle. People settle because they are scared and they are lonely. Waiting sounds nice but settling is comfortable and safe. Don’t we all just want security?
So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you, …. ,
'cause when the time is right you'll be here,
But for now, dear no one, this is your love song.
I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out, I like my space.
I know that I have anxiety issues. I know that a lot of what I worry about stems from the fact that I have a stupid, mental illness that I can’t control without medicine of which I refuse to take.
But I can’t help but think that other people feel the same way I do. I have a really hard time moving on with my life when I know other people can’t. I don’t know why I bear so much weight on my shoulders over things I can’t control but I do. I feel guilty for going to college because I lost a friend who never got the chance. I get sad when I go shopping because I know I have clothes at home and there are people out there with none. I tear up when I feel hateful towards work and don’t want to go and then remember that there are people out there without jobs— including my dad.
I get on Twitter and my TL is filled with things that don’t matter at all. Like, how can people not be concerned about real things instead of Miley Cyrus? Why do I feel like I am the only one who sees that there are bigger, more important issues?
Today I am feeling extra emotional. One of my dearest friends since kindergarten is laying in a hospital bed with no answers as to what will be the outcome of all of this. I feel so guilty for being able to walk, to breathe, to even take a drink of something. I feel so bad because I take all of those things for granted everyday. At night when I pray, I tell God that I am thankful for all of those things but am I really? I don’t think so. I think I just go through the motions of life worrying about everything instead of just being thankful. I need to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way I do. Sometimes I feel so crazy. Like no one else in the world worries like I do. No one feels guilty like I do about things I don’t think I should be guilty over.
I’m sorry that this is so depressing. I just needed to get it all off of my chest before I go crazy. I love you all and I hope that you know that I am always here for you. I will do anything I can to help. Please remember not to take anything for granted. Not one step, not one breath. I’ll be praying for you guys and I hope that you will continue to pray for my friends and family who are struggling right now. Thanks guys. You have no idea how blessed I feel to have friends like ya’ll who are there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
For the young pups who have decided to read this: Hi. I’m a senior at the University of the Cumberlands and I’m going to tell you a few things you should know before you go off to college.
I’ve been in your shoes. Caught somewhere between wanting to have your own house and wanting to suck on your pacifier one more time. It happens. You’re probably really excited to leave home but deep down you’re scared to death. That’s what growing up feels like. You’re ready but you’re not. We’ve all had that “15 going on 30” feeling. It’s strange and almost surreal once you realize that you’re not a kid anymore yet, you’re nowhere near being an adult. Talk about confusing. So, here are my best tips and a little advice to help you on your new journey.
We as women are crazy. As a woman, you’ll probably get mad at me for saying that. As a man, you’ll probably agree because you think you’re gender is perfect and females are the bane of the population. Think what you will.
We are crazy for a lot of reasons. For instance, we bleed out of our vagina for a week every month. We have to fix our hair everyday. We worry about real life problems instead of the NBA draft. We have to watch the Victoria’s Secret fashion show every year. And let’s not forget, we have to sit down to pee. Those things can drive anyone insane, I think.
The point is, we always want what we can’t have. We want to get rid of that monthly visitor. We want to wake up and walk out of the door and look decent without trying. We want to watch ESPN all day and never worry about money or current events. We WANT to stand up and write our names on a wall with our pee. That’s the thing, we will never be satisfied.
That’s why we always want the guys who don’t want us.
Picture it, your friend sets you up with a guy that you find unattractive. He weighs a little too much, he didn’t wear the right shoes, he’s saying all of the wrong things. You are not interested but maybe he’s not either. Here’s the thing. The second your friend tells you that he wasn’t interested in you, you’ll be instantly appalled. You’ll want to know why and you’ll want him to like you. That guy that wasn’t good enough for you yesterday is suddenly all you can think about. That’s how it works. You only want him because he doesn’t want you. Why is that? Why are we so crazy?
Why are we genetically wired to want what we can’t have? Why are we constantly putting ourselves into situations with men where we are setting ourselves up to get hurt? Why, oh why do we chase the bad guys and let the good ones go? Do we like the idea of getting pushed around? Do we want to get cheated on? Do we want to get knocked up and left? Do we enjoy getting cursed out? What is it? Is the idea of the chase so important to some of us that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves just to avoid getting bored?
I’m frazzled by us gals. By my friends who let these things happen and by myself-because I definitely let it happen. We all need to get it together and make sure we raise a different generation of women who realize that running after someone your whole life is pointless. Running after someone just because you lost them is pointless. Running after someone just because they aren’t interested in you is pointless. You can run all you want but there will be no prize at the finish line, babes.
I’m with Darryl.