I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. The more I sit between the two, I realize that one of those sides has to win. Otherwise, I’m still stuck. The saying is so cliche but I think the way it feels is unique to everyone. I for instance am so confused about my life that I am considering having a melt down for a while. Dropping out of college, laying in my bed and eating leftovers sounds a lot easier than applying to graduate school and figuring out my future. Unfortunately, you have to have money to be insane. Poor people like myself can’t afford to not function. Maybe I should have played “Operation” more and read the dictionary less as a child. Then, I could be going to medical school instead of freaking out about how I’m going to turn my words into money. The point is, I can lay on my parents couch forever or I can go to school for what seems like forever. Either way, neither of them sound too satisfying to me right now. Naturally, I’m not a planner. I don’t care what happens tomorrow and I for sure never think about my future. I guess everyone asking me what I’m doing after graduation has really got me stressed. Thank you, Thanksgiving for the annoying questions from family members and randoms. The truth is, I have no idea and I guess I’m a little ashamed and little petrified. I’m 22 and about to be finished with undergrad and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. That’s scary.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge people who settle. People settle because they are scared and they are lonely. Waiting sounds nice but settling is comfortable and safe. Don’t we all just want security?
So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you, …. ,
'cause when the time is right you'll be here,
But for now, dear no one, this is your love song.
I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out, I like my space.
(Source: elkabar, via beatriceursula)
I know that I have anxiety issues. I know that a lot of what I worry about stems from the fact that I have a stupid, mental illness that I can’t control without medicine of which I refuse to take.
But I can’t help but think that other people feel the same way I do. I have a really hard time moving on with my life when I know other people can’t. I don’t know why I bear so much weight on my shoulders over things I can’t control but I do. I feel guilty for going to college because I lost a friend who never got the chance. I get sad when I go shopping because I know I have clothes at home and there are people out there with none. I tear up when I feel hateful towards work and don’t want to go and then remember that there are people out there without jobs— including my dad.
I get on Twitter and my TL is filled with things that don’t matter at all. Like, how can people not be concerned about real things instead of Miley Cyrus? Why do I feel like I am the only one who sees that there are bigger, more important issues?
Today I am feeling extra emotional. One of my dearest friends since kindergarten is laying in a hospital bed with no answers as to what will be the outcome of all of this. I feel so guilty for being able to walk, to breathe, to even take a drink of something. I feel so bad because I take all of those things for granted everyday. At night when I pray, I tell God that I am thankful for all of those things but am I really? I don’t think so. I think I just go through the motions of life worrying about everything instead of just being thankful. I need to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way I do. Sometimes I feel so crazy. Like no one else in the world worries like I do. No one feels guilty like I do about things I don’t think I should be guilty over.
I’m sorry that this is so depressing. I just needed to get it all off of my chest before I go crazy. I love you all and I hope that you know that I am always here for you. I will do anything I can to help. Please remember not to take anything for granted. Not one step, not one breath. I’ll be praying for you guys and I hope that you will continue to pray for my friends and family who are struggling right now. Thanks guys. You have no idea how blessed I feel to have friends like ya’ll who are there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
For the young pups who have decided to read this: Hi. I’m a senior at the University of the Cumberlands and I’m going to tell you a few things you should know before you go off to college.
I’ve been in your shoes. Caught somewhere between wanting to have your own house and wanting to suck on your pacifier one more time. It happens. You’re probably really excited to leave home but deep down you’re scared to death. That’s what growing up feels like. You’re ready but you’re not. We’ve all had that “15 going on 30” feeling. It’s strange and almost surreal once you realize that you’re not a kid anymore yet, you’re nowhere near being an adult. Talk about confusing. So, here are my best tips and a little advice to help you on your new journey.
- Don’t follow your significant other to college. I’m not saying you’re not in love and I’m not saying it won’t work out. But if it’s meant to be, it will be regardless of where you go to school. True love will make it work. Take this time to find yourself and be free.
- Don’t buy your books from the bookstore. It’s a huge rip off. Also, don’t purchase your books until after the first week of classes to make sure you will actually use it. Your professor might say it’s required but you’d be surprise how much it’s NOT required.
- Take advantage of clubs, organizations, activities, etc. on campus. Those things are free and really help you to get involved. It might seem a little childish and almost intimidating but the more you participate in, the happier you will be.
- It’s okay to be undecided on a major. In fact, I highly recommend it unless you have those parents who demand that you go pre-med and you have no other choice. And let’s face it, we all have those friends who’s parents are living vicariously through them. Take a semester to get in some gen eds and figure out what you like.
- Take archery if it’s offered. You will laugh at yourself everyday.
- The freshman 15 DOES exist. It’s really sad actually. And even if it doesn’t hit freshman year (mine didn’t) it eventually will. Just stay away from pizza.
- Call your parents and grandparents as often as possible. This is hard for them and they miss you.
- Don’t run home every weekend. You will never make friends or have the college experience and you’ll waste so much gas.
- Buy a planner.
- Use the planner.
- Get a Netflix account. It will make you a happier person.
- Buy shower shoes.
- Realize that the bond you make with your college friends will go much further than any other friendships you’ve made along the way.
- Stay away from Walmart. You’ll go in there to get deodorant and come out with dog food and a Christmas tree.
- Use coupons.
- Save your change to buy yourself something nice. Like a honey bun from the vending machine.
- Read lots of books.
- Stay updated on current events. Even though you may not feel very important in this big world, you’re an adult now and you need to know what’s going on around you.
- Practice your writing skills. You might use math five times in your life but you can write your way out of the grave if you need to and know how to. Grammar matters if you want people to take you seriously.
- Buy a backpack with a place to put your water bottle.
- GET A RAIN JACKET AND UMBRELLA. There is nothing worse than soggy notebooks and wet jeans.
- Walk across campus with headphones in when you’re feeling antisocial. Even if you aren’t listening to music, you can avoid people if they think you are.
- Take an interviewing and public speaking class. You have no idea how much you will benefit from those classes.
- If you find a professor you love, take all of their classes. You can only learn if you want to learn and sometimes a professor can make or break that for you.
- DO NOT take a 8 a.m. class unless you have to.
- Utilize nap time.
- Buy an electric blanket and a fan. Living with someone else can be challenging if you have different preferences. But you can save an argument by compromising.
- Lysol wipes are wonderful for cleaning.
- Enjoy yourself.
We as women are crazy. As a woman, you’ll probably get mad at me for saying that. As a man, you’ll probably agree because you think you’re gender is perfect and females are the bane of the population. Think what you will.
We are crazy for a lot of reasons. For instance, we bleed out of our vagina for a week every month. We have to fix our hair everyday. We worry about real life problems instead of the NBA draft. We have to watch the Victoria’s Secret fashion show every year. And let’s not forget, we have to sit down to pee. Those things can drive anyone insane, I think.
The point is, we always want what we can’t have. We want to get rid of that monthly visitor. We want to wake up and walk out of the door and look decent without trying. We want to watch ESPN all day and never worry about money or current events. We WANT to stand up and write our names on a wall with our pee. That’s the thing, we will never be satisfied.
That’s why we always want the guys who don’t want us.
Picture it, your friend sets you up with a guy that you find unattractive. He weighs a little too much, he didn’t wear the right shoes, he’s saying all of the wrong things. You are not interested but maybe he’s not either. Here’s the thing. The second your friend tells you that he wasn’t interested in you, you’ll be instantly appalled. You’ll want to know why and you’ll want him to like you. That guy that wasn’t good enough for you yesterday is suddenly all you can think about. That’s how it works. You only want him because he doesn’t want you. Why is that? Why are we so crazy?
Why are we genetically wired to want what we can’t have? Why are we constantly putting ourselves into situations with men where we are setting ourselves up to get hurt? Why, oh why do we chase the bad guys and let the good ones go? Do we like the idea of getting pushed around? Do we want to get cheated on? Do we want to get knocked up and left? Do we enjoy getting cursed out? What is it? Is the idea of the chase so important to some of us that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves just to avoid getting bored?
I’m frazzled by us gals. By my friends who let these things happen and by myself-because I definitely let it happen. We all need to get it together and make sure we raise a different generation of women who realize that running after someone your whole life is pointless. Running after someone just because you lost them is pointless. Running after someone just because they aren’t interested in you is pointless. You can run all you want but there will be no prize at the finish line, babes.
In 8th grade, I was in “love” with a sophomore in college. I was stupid, I was young and he was asking for a law suit. I know. The point is, as a 13 year old I knew that the boys my age were just too immature for me. As a 21 year old, I still feel the same. When do boys grow up? Or do they? We may never know…
Me? I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. The cause? A boy. Just like all of my other friends who are dealing with a breakup or the loss of someone they never really had. I’m not okay but I am fine and I ALWAYS will be fine. What gets me through the day is being there for everyone else who needs me. I would never want my friends to be sad or to feel the way I do right now but I must admit, their sadness gives me strength. I know they need me so I fight back tears and throw out Bibles verses and I tell them about my bad luck so that they can smile at how unfortunate my life is. That’s who I am. I believe I was put here for comedic relief and to make a difference in the world. So that’s what I’ll do.
However, my friends and I will continue to be hurt because boys will be boys and that’s what they do. Their selfish actions cause us pain. As defined by dictionary.com, a boy is “a young man who lacks maturity and judgment.” Sounds about right, huh? We all go after these boys who will never fully develop to their potential because they are stuck in this childlike state of mind. They are addicted to themselves and the idea of freedom. Addicted to Xbox and illegal substances. Addicted to girls that we as normal females will never look like. Addicted to their egos and secret girls on the side. We are women and they are boys. That’s why we’re sad. That’s why we are heartbroken. Our emotional depth and logical thinking goes so far beyond what these simple minded boys could ever imagine. That’s the problem.
So to my friends, do not be sad over boys who will never be men. You can’t change the opposite sex and they will always be different from us. But we can change the type of guys we go after and I encourage all of you to choose wisely next time.
Also, girls go to college to get more knowledge and boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.
I love you guys! :D